Hold Your Head Up

I struggle often with putting myself down, not being all that nice to myself. I was brought up on the concept of not thinking too highly of yourself, and consequently find it hard to acknowledge if I have ever done anything good.

 

 I was having a conversation with a good friend the other day along these lines, and how it is not 'prideful' to be proud of your achievements, especially when it is God who gives us the abilities and gifts we have. Also was thinking of the words in Psalm 115:1 which says:

"Not to us, O Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness"

 

The following poem is the fruits of these thoughts.

 

Hold your head up 

Lift your eyes a bit my child

Hold your head up high

For I have given you this gift

And the glory is all mine

It isn’t pride if you just smile

Enjoying what you do

It isn’t pride to take delight

In what I do through you

Stop hiding in the shadows child

And use what I provide

I sing with joy and love for you,

My child, you’re my delight.

So don’t apologise again

Because you’ve done some good

Rejoice with me, come smile and sing

I am your loving God.

A time of waiting

Waiting 

Waiting here in the stillness

Lord, I’m waiting here where it’s quiet.

Unsure of the direction

Of where I’m heading with my life.

I commit again Lord

Commit myself into your hands,

Hanging on to your promise

That you have a purpose and a plan,

Not sure what I am to do Lord

So I’ll wait here for a while,

Maybe this is the destination

So I will wait here at your side.

A time of changes

Right now I am in the midst of a time of change, one job is over after quite a few years, and I am not sure where or what I am going to do next. I know God has a plan for me, and if I stay within his plan I need not be afraid as his plans are never to harm or destroy. He will provide for me. I worry that I will somehow miss what I should be doing or take a wrong turn, so each day (and frequently throughout the day) I have to commit myself into his hands, and just wait on Him. The following three poems are a glimpse into where my heart is at the moment, with all my failure and weakness. They are in some ways a bit raw and not highly refined but they come from my heart.

 

Where are you leading me? 

Sometimes Lord it seems very dark

I don’t know where you are leading me.

I feel I am failing at every turn

Just groping blindly all around me,

I am afraid I will take a wrong turn

Or somehow wander from your plan

Yet I cannot see what plan it is

Or fathom where you’ll take me

Do you have a plan for me? I ask Lord

And I am not just hoping in vain

It’s just I cannot see the answers

Lord, I cannot see the way.

Forgive me for my weakness, my failures

Forgive me when doubts come my way

Please fulfil your purpose for me

And hold me close to you I pray.

Let me hear the words you have for me

Please give me a glimpse of your face

Oh Lord please somehow reassure me

That I am truly yours I pray 

As long as you do all the leading

I know I can trust you with my days

 

________________________________________________________________________________

 

Why do you weep? 

The morning breaks and my heart awakes

I see a new day stretch before me 

Oh feeble fragile heart, why do you weep? 

The future is unknown and fear creeps in

My heart longs to hide again in night-time 

Oh feeble fragile heart, why do you weep? 

So I fall again to my knees Lord

To commit myself to you

To place this feeble fragile heart

Again into your hands Lord,

Once more I look to you for help

Your strength and promises are sure

So feeble fragile heart don’t weep

The loving God holds you secure

_______________________________________________________________________________

 

 

His words to a troubled heart 

Troubled heart come rest in me

Come wait on me today

Be still, stop restless wandering                                                           

Come hear my word today.

I am right here beside you child

I will not move away

Come rest, come trust, come wait on me

Be still my child I say.

I am your God, and I am strong

The victory is mine

So do not fear what lies ahead

The plan is my design,

I see you weep, I count your tears

I love you child of mine.

Caught in a storm

Caught in a storm

 

Caught up in a vortex of emotion,

Reality and firm ground wavering

Floundering amidst the swirling tide

My feet unable to find firm ground

Lord don’t lose me in this whirlpool

As confusion and grief surround,

Please keep your hand of power upon me

Stop me from drowning in this storm.

Calm the wind and waves of my emotions

Bring me through to solid ground.

I am crying out to you, come save me

Steer my course, direct my ways

I’m pleading Lord, help me to see you

Feel your presence, hear your voice

I lift my arms out to be rescued

I’m trusting you’ll not let me drown

 

 

discarded wineskin

 

Discarded wineskin   (with reference to Psalm 119: 81-83)

 

A wineskin in the smoke

Used up, useless, discarded

That’s how I feel now Lord.

When will you come to help?

I need your help so much -

Your presence as sorrow overwhelms.

The pus and poison pour from the open wound

Only you can heal and cleanse me.

Take this discarded used up wineskin

I wait for you to come and help

To fill renew and cover me

I cry out for your presence, for your word

Where are you Lord? please come and help me

 

My Heart

My heart

My heart feels like an open wound

The pain is overwhelming

I drown beneath the pulsing flood

As life drains out around me,

My fault, this pain I suffer now

My sin, my weakness caused it

My longing for more special love

That caused this wound to open,

I opened up this heart of mine

A bit too much for friendship

So now I struggle to repair

And mend it’s ragged edges.

Oh Lord, I’m sorry, help me please

Forgive and heal I beg you.

Please teach me how to be a friend

Not lapsing to obsession,

I find this loving people hard

To get balance right

I want to learn to love like you

So I’ll give you this bleeding heart.

 

 

lonely

Lonely one

The little child sat alone, on the outside

Watching others play together

She felt left out, different and insecure.

In her hand was a little sandwich

Just her simple homemade lunch

The others saw she had some ‘goodies’

Soon they gathered all about

‘I will be your friend’, they promised

‘If you share your lunch around’

So she gave away her sandwich

Happy for a little while

Then when it was gone, all finished

The others left her all alone.

‘So why?’ the teacher asked the youngster

‘Do you give your lunch away?’

‘It’s simple really’, said the said sad one

‘For a moment at least they let me play’

‘For a brief time they are friendly’

‘So I don’t feel quite so alone’.

The child grew into a young woman

Who still longed and yearned for love

She still thought that someone may love her

If she gives them what they want

Now years have passed for that child-woman

Many lessons she has learned

But deep inside a lonely child lurks

Feeling apart and left outside

Convinced she has nothing to offer

Nothing to give to ‘earn’ some love

Expecting friends to up and leave her

When someone better comes along,

Alone she weeps, alone she longs

To feel she really is worth something

And doesn’t need to earn their love